Once again, my favorite contrarian Robin Hanson has gotten me to think really hard about interpersonal psychology. In this post, he argues that we prefer someone to be ignorant in why they like us. I initially disagreed with him, but the more I think about his hypothesis the more plausible it seems.
I think his point is that if people aren’t sure why they like us, they will continue liking us. If they can easily rate us on our likable qualities, we are likely to be eventually overshadowed. Note this is different than the claim that we prefer to be ignorant about why people like us.
At first I thought this couldn’t be true. I want people to like me for who I am, and not be ignorant about why they like me.
But then I thought about it the other way. I want someone to like me, and not like me for certain reasons. If someone spends a lot of time with me and doesn’t know why they like me, they will probably find it hard to find other people they will like more and replace me.
Think about who you like, and why you like them. I’m willing to bet the people you like the most you like, “just because.”

No Cuts, No Fees, Education Should Be Free
H/T Andrew G.